complexity

for some time now, i have participated in the fruitless and futile endeavor led by men to understand our counterpart species: women. these intricate creatures have the most extravegant thought processes, capable of racing through a variety of topics in just a short amount of time.

i must admit, i have spent time behind enemy lines, so to speak. so much in fact that i've somehow formed a splinter sect that cannot be categorized either as male or female. i simply stand alone.

as a maverick, i have been allowed to delve into this deep, malicious sea of swirling, grim thoughts and endless feminine confusion. these stormy waters are treacherous, and I have found they have been plaguing women for many years. i admire them for their daring perdurance, but their tenacity seems to be capable of going only so far.

our modern world has inflicted a canker of inadequacy on them, and it grows as a rot in their minds. the corrosive words that surround them are as a shroud of darkness, threatening to destroy. and there are instances where the contention is too much to bear and surrender becomes an attractive option.

but i implore you to endure. the night is always darkest before the dawn. there is always hope, always the promise of the coming light. we must suffer trials and hardships in our lives before we can partake of the sweet fruit borne of them.

our women are incredible. they fight an unjust battle and, at times, they fight it alone. and that is more commendable than any other achievement i find conceivable. this is my tribute to them.

oddity

a strange revelation: people actually read my blog? i can't say i appreciate the pressure when i am told that some have come to the absurd conclusion that they find it intriguing, but let it be noted i am most definitely grateful for the support.

something else i find curious is that i only have a vague recollection of writing anything on this page. most of it seems as if it were crafted from nothingness, or simply summoned by an unknown entity.

whoever it is, this creature who lurks in the shadows, i hope that it lingers for a bit longer.

envy

i cannot tell a lie, i've always been jealous of my sister's easy way with words. in whatever writings she conjures up, there exists a magnificence that i eternally attempt to imitate and i will evermore fall short of her splendor.

but nevertheless, i will strive to scale this massive mount of brilliance, if only in the hope that i will ascend high enough to barely glimpse the radiance of her works. it is a vain hope, but it is what anchors me to this endeavor of creation within the bounds of script, an essay of poetic prose.

however, i fear that this aspiration is my undoing. my method of soaring language and words lathered in embellishment is a repellant, chasing away any who might stumble upon what i have written.

without a guide in this sphere of thought, i will continue in my loquacious manner, if only to continue writing for my own purposes.

recreation

not in the sense of alleviation or amusement but rather an allusion to the revival of my blog in a new form. renewed both in separate appearance and purpose.

i once considered this as a resting place for my thoughts, somewhere for them to live freely and develop into ideas and structure themselves into a reality of some sort. but more and more, it became a graveyard. it had grown to be a place for my dead works to be remembered, not even known.

but now i choose to acquiesce with the part of my soul which longs for a world to serve as a new fountain. a place where thoughts must not meet certain criterion or pass judgement of worthiness, they simply need exist and they are granted entrance.

however, that does not give them leave to be bleak and barren of elegance. i'll do my best to polish them and confuse whatever readers choose to partake of them.

sleep

such misery; such pain. the agony mocks me. taunting with images of what could be. the words i wrote, the illustration of my passions, now serves as only a memento from another time, another life.


memories are fading fast; the words become a dizzy slur. the racing world blurs past. i've lost my place in life.


the words seem hollow now. chosen with care, conflicted by emotion. i'm overwhelmed in confusion, too caught up in the past. i was stuck in an illusion that the moments could ever last.


lost in a mental cacophony of drowsy thoughts, my uncertainty increases. i cannot myself in the faceless crowd.

darkness

at a time, i lived my life in a blinding world with cutting words forged from fire. now, i find myself in a darkened realm filled with whispered secrets, confusion and uncertainty.


for a time, i found myself without a guide, without a chance in the fight. suddenly, twin lights stared my in the face, bringing with them the promise of life, long since lost.


in the light of familiar sunshine, i've realized i have lived my life in torture, chasing wild dreams that pass as smoke through my fingers, missing entirely the plain view of reality, continuing despite my lack of attention. and my wishes, as shown in the light, have proven empty, void of any promise.


and now, i am saddened, left only with an empty page.

hope

summer.


the time of year where the sun beats mercilessly upon the hard, baked earth of the scorching desert otherwise known as utah. at the crack of dawn, the crisp, cool air of the early morning quickly evaporates and warms as the haven of night is replaced by that cruel, glowing orb. the lazy days then drag on as the sun meanders on its path across the sky, taunting as it alights on the mountain peaks. its light lingers, reaching from the horizon, fighting to keep its dominion upon the land. it radiates its final flames and sets the sky ablaze. then, as it loosens its grip, its hold fails altogether and the fiery globe slips below the horizon.


the glow past the mountains fades and the clouds lose their golden and pink colors, returning to their natural ashen shades. then the world dims, giving way to night. with the harsh sunlight gone, stars begin to wink into existence, transforming the sky into the wondrous, glistening surface of the world.


the moon rises from its throne at the crest of the mountains, casting luminous magic across the valley. it begins its elegant dance across the sea of glittering diamonds, twirling through the sky with grace.

but the release of it charm is short-lived. night must end; the sunrise is imminent. but with the transition of darkness to light, the new sun brings with it another enchanting era. the world begins to flare with color, mimicking the deep hues of sunset. the time of year the cool air does not fade with the rising sun.

autumn