madness

sometimes insanity doesn't really exist. just normal people with normal thoughts, normal feelings. normal lives. but then, like a cancer, something changes and the normal becomes more than normal. and too much of anything can quickly turn to harm. it becomes too much.

interest turns to infatuation. infatuation turns to obsession. obsession turns to madness.

it spins in a vicious cycle of letting go and embracing, holding on to the insignificant and remembering the tiny moments of peace. refusing to let them go and then hating them for leaving you. leaving you so alone.

it's the turn of a coin, tumbling through the air, always falling, but never caught. 

it seems so sad to think of it, so unfortunate a state. pity for the mad ones. 

then i realize.

i've been mad all along.

chaos

elements of randomness dominate much of our lives. the universe relentlessly fills existence with tiny choices that accumulate to the most immense and daunting of decisions. at those moments, everything that lies in the past of our lives has culminated to that one instant where the decision presents itself. who we were has determined who we are and in kind who we will be, but none of those people ever being truly the same.

the organic nature of the universe forms around each of the choices of every single person in the world, the fluid tendency to shift and warp making every person invariably connected with every other person in existence, spanning even across time. we all affect each other, most often without realizing it and entirely ignorant of how far a single touch really goes. 

and in turn the universe reaches out to touch us back. the constants work to keep our lives spinning as they should, as they have before or at times it will let us taste a new life to see how much further we can go, how much more we can be.

we are most richly rewarded when we give in to the forces beyond ourselves, when we turn our lives over to luck or chance, chaos or faith. when we give our lives to the turn of a coin or the raging seas around us or to God, we are given opportunities to be more than ourselves, to be a part of something greater.

the universe is perfectly crafted, the minute components like clockwork, ebbing and turning in perfect harmony. 

it's funny how often we forget that...

Ghosts

we follow footsteps in life, treading the paths of ones already far gone.

we follow hoping to know them, thinking by some measure that we may walk their journey for ourselves. we try to know the ghosts to whom these prints belong. but we're chasing echoes. those whose paths we trek are long dead, they live with the face of of another and have gone on so far. we follow strangers.

they have gone on so far from me, these ghosts i once knew. i desperately try to follow the way they once went, but that path is theirs and gone with them and never will i trod upon it. i will never again see my ghosts. no matter how far or long i echo behind them i will never ever catch up.

so i trudge through winter snow with only the mementos of another life and the memory that i once lived.

abnormality

some people are weird.

but that's actually very acceptable by my standards. in my eyes, those who fall into the middle of the spectrum of insanity are granted their small oddities to separate them from the mundane unremarkables and the extreme crazies. they're set up to stand apart and show others how the world could be.

besides, they're more fun.

treasures

there exist in life a few, rare moments of pure joy, perfect happiness.

it's in these moments we relish more than any other. these instances become sacred, shards of time trozen in memory, pure and untouched by any corruption of world and circumstance.

perhaps the most precious are the memories of a loved one. the treasure that is the touch of an angel.

the rarest memories are the ones rife with complex emotion and interaction; those filled with the comfort that defies the hurt and the innocence that pushes past jaded thought.

it's in these moments that we could live.

moments that either define or destory us.

revival

so i might have had another epiphany some time ago: i have never been consistant with my blogging-ness.

should it have been a surprise that i found myself unable to resume my activity online for a matter of weeks? i suppose not.

but regardless, i hope my resolve proves... well, consistant.

here goes nothing

open

i used to be the hero of this story
but then i woke up from your spell
the fairy tale is over
the magic is gone
i needed you most
in broken heart and broken mind
i can't fathom how
but it was then you walked away from me

i've fallen short of my former glory
and i've been trapped in this hell
this agony i can't cover
cause i am alone
i've been lost
seeking the path i cannot find
i need you now
this isn't how it was supposed to be

i opened my eyes
and found this strange, new world around me
i didn't realize
that you had left me alone

what i don't say, you won't know
what you don't know can't hurt you
so many things have changed
too many questions
not enough answers

why can't things be the same?
why do you keep calling my name?
why won't you open your eyes?

just open your eyes

please open your eyes

i need you to open your eyes